Posted by: CTK and Sir Jeffers
Ernest Borgnine vs. David Duchovny
Now that David Duchovny has checked himself into sex-addiction rehab, it got us to thinking, how would the young actor stack up against legendary star Ernest Borgnine?
BORGNINE WINS! BORGNINE WINS! BORGNINE WINS!
ALL YOUR BORGNINE ARE BELONG TO US!!
Posted by CTK & Sir Jeffers
Just in time for the Beijing Olympics, here’s your chance to go for the Gold!
Just HIT CLICK as fast as you can to keep paddling ahead of those pesky little spermatazoa.
Get ready for hours of fun, as long as you can…
Outswim the Sperm!
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Posted by Sir Jeffers
My neighborhood received some unwanted buzz recently when a swarm of bees started getting busy in my yard. What was my first clue? Well, several hundred of these yellow-and-black winged warriors suddenly dive-bombed me. I’m perceptive like that. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted By CTK
The other night Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
We The People are kinda, sorta stumbling the streets lookin’ like pop culture buffoons, without any shame, wearing things on our T-shirts or stuck to our backpacks and notebooks that would either bore the sweater off granny or give her a heart attack. We’re also plastering bumper stickers on cars that offend half the population by shoving our “ideals” in everyone’s face at every stop light… Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Sir Jeffers
I awoke one morning with onion boobs. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted By CTK
A male friend of mine, half-joking and half-serious, said to me,
“Everything with you is about sex.”
Oh really? Is it just with ME?
Okay, when you wake up, what’s the first thing you notice?
Your morning wood, that’s what. The usual stiffness begging for a massage, again. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Sir Jeffers
Look at me, I’m cooking up a huge slab of beef!
Nothing seems more cliché-manly than charring massive chunks of cow carcass… Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
I saw another mattress propped against a fence today…
I’ll get to the significance of that soon, but first take the survey below:
1.) Are you a fucking bitch?
2.) Do you have a maturity deficit?
3.) Are you a stupid asshole?
4.) Do you have an addiction to irrationality?
5.) Are you a manipulative c*nt?
If you answered YES to ANY of the above, then PLEASE, I BEG YOU, do NOT have children! Please do not procreate! Don’t adopt EITHER! Live your life sealed in a condom! Please.
Okay, with our prescreening out of the way, let me tell you about the pee mattress… Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
As Angelina descends the MAXIM 100 Hottest Women list, falling down to give standing room to the new, um…uh, the new “talent,” well… The Vanity Vultures swirl above her pretty little head anticipating a beautiful demise so they can swoop in for the feast. Some have started early! Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
Doesn’t it totally suck when embarrassing items fall out of your bag?
You stand there looking all geeked-out, blushing, scrambling to conceal it
as quickly as possible.
Once upon a time in a land not so far from here, a little girl bought a book.
A magical book. Nah, Actually…one day I was hitting yard sales looking for cool
old cheesy paperbacks so I could rip the book covers off and use them as postcards.
At one sale I found a wealth of material published in the late ’60s, showcasing a wide
variety of graphic styles. I wasn’t aware that one of the books in the stack would lure
me into discourse with its Seller…
He asked, “Are you wild?” Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
“What up with the creepy weird guy?”
Might very well be the eternal question that haunts us all.
I’m certain it dates back to the caveman days, that’s a given.
All right, so I was at the cafe again…Sometimes I wonder,
“When am I not at the cafe?”
But as soon as I leave the cafe I stop wondering that.
It’s always in the last place you look, right?
Okay, back to topic,
“What up with the creepy weird guy?”
I’m seated at the very end of the cafe, my back to the wall, facing out so no strangers can sneak up from behind and give me the spooks. I’m paranoid that way. I’m facing outwards but I’m balls deep in an article that I haven’t been able to stop reading even though it blows…. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
Looking down on my fellow citizens and laughing is not my daily routine, however,
everyone does it at some point and now it’s my turn!
Me’Thinks some weirdos need to practice a little thing called Social Downsizing!
Some may say that it’s none of my business what OTHER people do. I’d like them to say THAT to my face!
Um, but seriously, of course it’s not “my business”. It’s not like I got a desk and a placard on top of it that reads: Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Sir Jeffers
I love Target. And not just because of the tarted-up talent that works the register, like this cutie (above).
I visit Target so often that my musical partner in crime, CTK, tells me I should “get a room” with the discount retailer. How base of her to suggest that my relationship with Target is just about the sex. Actually, it is about the intercourse…of commerce. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by CTK
Electronic communication has become a drunkard’s hotbed of embarrassment.
Drunk dialing has gone the way of the dinosaurs. Now it’s the drunk texting, drunk IM’ing, drunk emailing, drunk Twittering and drunk blogging that stumbles higher up the charts for the best way to make an ass of yourself. Doesn’t anyone just stay home, keep to themselves and rot with the bottle like Bukowski used to? Those were the days… Read the rest of this entry »